06 July 2020

"God Bacon" - A stupid idea that got out of hand...

The "God Bacon" Statblock

Now, this is one of those creations that I doubt anyone will ever use, or want to use, for that matter. But thought I'd share it as a funny story nonetheless.

The main campaign I run on a sunday evening, is 100% homebrew. I have a couple of homebrew races, I run a homebrew world setting, and even use my own (homebrew) pantheon. I will now stop using the word "homebrew". One of the deities in my pantheon, is Kell. Kell is the god of trickery and chaos (basically Loki from Norse mythology, with a lot of changing). One of my players asked if he could include Kell as a part of his backstory, and I loved the idea so much I granted it immediately. 

Serious (the character with ties to Kell), was basically adopted by the trickster god after his family were hunted down in a ritualistic hunt (don't blame me, my player wrote it himself), and trained under him, learning a love of chaos, trickery and music. He's a Bard. He also never told ANY of the rest of the party his connection to the god until the session where he contacted his "father" to come and aid them (not likely to happen often, as Kell prefers to just watch and laugh).

Onyx (another player character) decided to, upon learning that he was in the presence of a god, ask this incredibly powerful being if there was "God Bacon". When asked to clarify, he stated that he wanted to know if there was bacon that existed, that was so good, that mere mortals could not bear its glory. Suffice to say this got a lot of laughing, and also a DM wondering what the hell to do in this situation.

Eventually, I decided that Kell, being a trickster, would definitely want to have some fun with this, so I described him clicking his fingers, and upon onyx's plate, there materialised a single rasher of bacon so fine that it almost radiated celestial energy. Onyx's player was excited, and described grabbing has fork, and picking it up cautiously to examine it. Now I didn't want this be be an actual thing. I didn't want this to cause problems either, so thinking quickly, I describe how it sprouted a hundred tiny legs, and began to scuttle over the plate, evading capture.

After a number of failed attack rolls (at disadvantage), Onyx finally managed to catch and kill his bacon, only to find it taste, very much, like bacon. Nothing overly special, but still, without a doubt, the best bacon he had ever had, cooked exactly the way he liked it. I then thought the saga of the god bacon to be over and done with.

A few weeks later, my partner (who also plays in the campaign), decided to start drawing some of the scenes from the game, particularly funny ones especially. Which led us to this:
This wonderful monstrosity - "God Bacon"

This was entirely unnecessary, and I loved it so much I made the official statblock you see above. I hope you all had a bit of a laugh, and it may inspire you to try making some stupid ideas like this in your games too. Feel free to also use the god bacon, should it fin your campaign, but bear in mind it is only a joke.

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